It snowed yesterday and today!!! It is so flippin cold... I really hate it! It is so cold and it is May! I got a new bikini, and I wonder if I will even get to wear it???

Yay! I never did end up super sick, thank goodness! I am still doing a ton of painting and stuff. I will probably be painting for a long time. That's alright, though. It looks real good, and my parents like it, and they are the land lords! I got the manden almot done, and so that is one more thing to cross off. Woohoo!

 So one of my old high school friends found me through classmates.com or whatever it is. I was surprised to hear from him, but it feels good to know he still thinks of me as a friend. I haven't been able to communicate with him really yet, but I will. Exciting, exciting!

 So my parents are my landlords and they tell us that they are refinancing their house and our house. We have been doing a lot painting and stuff to make it look nicer, so I think that the house will appraise for higher than before! My dad can be hard to please sometimes as far as how things are done. He wants stuff to be done right, so more often than not, he does them himself. Anyway, I had been talking about all  of the work we've done, and I don't think that he believed me until he actually came over finally and saw it! But now he can not quit saying how great it is and what a good job we did! That is awesome!

 On another note, I went ahead and put my wreaths that I made back up for bid on eBay, and I started the bid at $20. I really know how much they are worth compared to some I have seen in stores and whatnot, but then hopefully I can sell them at a lower price and build a good reputation. I really hope they sell this time around!! I just have to keep the faith!!!!

    So oh well for me, my two wreaths did not sell on ebay! I am a little bummed out, but not totally devastated. It was only my first time, so I can always try again! I think I need to get better pics and maybe start the bids at a lower price. Just a thought. I am also gonna have a yard sale when the weather here gets a little warmer! Still flippin cold, and I think it is crap!!!  For everyone that took a look at my creations, thank you so much!!! I am hoping to get more comments and feedback, so if you have any, please feel free to post it!

So I checked my ebay stuff, the two wreaths that I put up for bid, and still not a single bid! Bummer! There is only like 5 or 6 hours left to go! Hopefully someone will make a bid, cuz they are really pretty in my opinion.  and I worked hard on them. But if they don't, maybe they will sell later on. I should keep an optomistic attitude!

    I have been keeping in touch with my two older kids now and it is nice! I have them at my fingertips now!! So that is totally awsome! I can't wait for them to come back from japan so thet maybe they can come visit. WE shall see!

    Well, I guess that I should go and do all of my homemaker stuff, that should keep me busy! Sitting here online is not helping at all. I think I will check ebay again later on when there is way less time, like maybe an hour! We will see if I can last that long!!!

     OK, I am very sick of the cold already! I have plants to plant, and a backyard to clean, and I wanna take my kids outside...... Damn. Mother Nature sucks sometimes! So anyway, I have been taking these YAZ birth control pills to help even out my hormones and to not have a period. I guess you have to take them for awhile before they start to work. My pms seemed much milder, but my period hasn't stopped yet. I can't wait until it does. I am scared to gain weight, I am gonna have to work out, and I haven't been.  We shall see...... So my stuff on ebay hasn't sold yet, or no one has bid on them yet. I put them up for 7 days, I hope someone likes them, I put alot of work into them.  They keep me busy, and they are all super nice!

   I totally forgot to add my good news!! So I have been doing some crafting, and I have put together some wreaths. They are so pretty! Anyway, I have finally put them on "the great ebay" as my oldest daughter puts it! So they are called "strawberry lilymade" and "tigerlily made" if anyone is interested in looking! They will be on for like 4 more days, and hopefully someone will bid on them!

           I am so freakked out right now! Ok, so I am still married, and I really do not wanna be. But the thing is that right now, I have to stay married. It is a long story, so anyway. The thing is that there was awhile that I stated that I was seperated, and that I wanted to date. I dinked around with match.com and peeked around at dating sites, but really and truly, I didn't meet anyone or trade emails, nothing! Now my husband is living with me again, and so obviously I can not date or flirt. Well, he is constantly telling me that I am looking for guy's online, and blah blah, when I am not. He has called me some pretty bad names in heated times, and it sucks, but I just tried to pass it off as his anger and jealousy. Well, I couldn't get online the other day on my account, so I went on under his, which is no biggy, right? Except that his email alert came up, and it had a message from some girl! Now I know I shouldn't have snooped, but I have to be honest, I checked it out. So it turns out that it was from some girl from true.com, or something, and I figure it is an advertisement. I get stupid shit from match.com, advertisements, and I didn't wanna jump to conclusions. But then I realize that this was sent to his personal email, so he had to be registered! I checked his sent mail, and I found emails that he had sent to a couple of girls! Plus, he is registered with a zillion dating sites and some porn! OK, the porn is not too shocking! I wasn't putting out for him, so go figure, he's a guy! But I was really saddened to know that he is actively looking for someone else. and that he has spoken to other girls to try and meet them! I feel that he has made all of these accusations to me, and he was being the dishonest one the whole time!!! He says how much he loves me and that he would be alone, and blah blah, and it is all a big fat yah right! I wish that we could just be divorced, and get it over with! I don't think that he has communicated with anyone too recently, but he hasn't had the emails stopped,  and I just feel kinda dooped. Like he made me feel so bad that I even considered dating, which I was honest with him about, and then look at him!! All day yesterday he could tell that there was something up with me. But I just said I was fine! I am not really mad, but I do feel something. It isn't a good feeling at all. He has a myspace page that is all decked out with a zillion friends, some that are females that he has had interest in! I still have not figured out how to deck pot myspace or this page, really. But whatever, I guess. I feel sorta bad that I snooped, but not that bad! I doubt I will mention any of this to him. I doubt he will read this, but if he does, then o-well. I am glad that Justin was able to find others that interested him and that were interested in him, I just wish that he had been honest and not tried to make me out to be a whore when he was the one whoring! I shouldn't be this bummed out, but I am.

So today was my youngest baby's birthday, and she turned two! It is  wow crazy the way the time goes. My oldest baby is gonna be 13, as she puts it, and I am like wowed by them both, and my two boys in between! Ok, now that I am cool enough ( hardy har) to be able to communicate via computer like the rest of the world, I feel so much better! My oldest baby  and second youngest are both in Japan where my ex husband is stationed. So I rarely had the oppurtunity to to be in touch. But now- here I am on the internet, and I spent like an hour blabbing in my emails to them, and it feels really good! I hope they don't get sick of hearing from me. I hope that they are glad  and not too angry with me since I wasn't in touch with them as much before. I am actually a little bit worried about that, to be honest! There was a long time before when I was a complete shithead, and the other part a complete mess. Either way, my daughter was smack in the middle of it for a time, and that sucks for her. She went with my ex husband to Texas, then on to Japan, and that was the best thing I could have done for her. I had to get on the wellness track for myself, and so did she for herself! But we have a lot to sort out, and hopefully we can do it gradually. I am waiting for it to happen, so that we can move on to having a good relationship. Anyway, that all being said, I still am able to email her now, so taking advantage of that is great!  Today was a pretty good day. I am taking meds, and now I have started yaz birth control for hormones, so I am like sort of having pms while my body adjusts or whatever. It's weird, cause I don't have to have a period anymore by taking b/c, but my tubes are tied. No period thogh? I guess for that, the side effects from the b/c are ok, I guess. I can not really find as much info on it as I would like, but I am sure someone sooner or later will know or tell me something. I spent some time on myspace today, and I found a lot of people who have or are very familiar with borderline personality disorder! I was encouraged by that. But a lot of them had issues with self mutilation, and I am lucky that I am not one who experieces that. It can be central to some borderlines,and I am interested to learn more from these others, as it can all be learning material. But I also want to find some that are more like me, too. At any rate, sometimes I think that I wear a self imposed nametag that says "borderline" instead of my name! And that is bad. I want to just be me, not the illness! But then, I have to work everyday and every minute even at times to be just me. If that all makes sense. I have an illness that is a very central part of my being, and part of being ok is taking it head on, but man, having it stamped on my forehead has its downfalls! Oh well. I put myself out there to help myself just as much as others with this illness. So someday I can just be me without the "borderline" nametag!  OK, I know that all makes sense to me, but I hope anyone who reads this gets it! Blah blah blah. Let's see, I went on ebay for the first time and that can be addicting! It is a good thing that I can't shop, online, I mean. That is a blast! I do not have the credit or debit. But I watched my husband do it, he got me two swarvosky crystal necklaces, a playboy bunny and the baby phat cat! I was able to scope out tons of shoes, sunglasses and books by my favorite author! I was also able to scope out the competiton for my crafts that I wanna sell. Fun, fun, fun!    

Now I have internet and all of that, so that is cool. Now I just have to learn how to navigate thru it, and catch up with the rest of the world. So much has been going on with me, I will spare the details, cuz there's a lot!